Cross-Eyed Licker

It’s Spring. The beautiful blue flowers pop out with the dandelions. Fresh, long grass grows. The birds chirp and sing; dragonflies fuck by the river.

Before long, as the warm sun shines brighter than it has in 5 months, the stubbly bearded pack of fat village idiots and neighbors (males or female) come around with their machines; chainsaws, woodchippers, ropes, ladders, buzzers, mowers.

Their mission: To eliminate any sanity or peace that the beautiful day has brought and TO CHOP/MAIM/DESTROY GRASS (or any other living thing in the way of the powerlines) AT FIRST SIGHT OF GROWTH…

Laugh Out Loud Spewing Your Joyfulness, Hopefully Together and Severely Alive!

Hang On…It Get’s Better

I’m not a virologist nor a functioning alcoholic, but I do suffer from hopeless optimism. I have witnessed this pandemic play out like a film in which we are cast as extras, but don’t quite know what we are expected to do (or wear) when the camera falls upon us.

Cuckoo at the Zoo. Time to Waddle. Little Riddle. Bubble-Bobble. Survival.

Let’s Keep Moving

In mind, a sphincter hole sees benevolent angels on the dance floor. It awakens and interprets fifteen languages that dictate every next move of anonymous weasels. There is a lurker (penis) there too, glowing red with sonic vibrations escalating, like a manual transmission — harder than an AP Biology exam. Waiting to dock, General McFarter throws him off the boat. He swims to avoid dying.

Factoids and Oddities

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

Directions: Answer the nine Questions Below then Check the Answer Key.

  1. A cuckold is:

(a) a cheap person unable to pay his bills

(b) a philanthropist who designs software programs and vaccines

© a high-ranking member of the United States military

(d) a man whose wife is sexually unfaithful, often mocked and ridiculed

2. Which two phrases below are idioms?

(a) a lot of noise and no walnuts

(b) chimpanzee ape-man

© Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

(d) knock em’ dead

3. What part of speech is the word “anachronistic”?

(a) common noun

(b) verb

© adjective

(d) Old English


The 1% Percent Rule and Because Tomorrow You Might Be Dead

Tomorrow, There Might Not Be a You

People are dying. Tons of people as I’m typing. As tens of hundreds croak with every keystroke, I have to ask: What are we doing, the living?

If there’s something you want to do, you’d better do it quick. If you want to write a blog post, do a book, make a painting, dress up like Mark Twain and gangster rap on YouTube…then yes, the time to jump in is now and the water’s warm!

Whatever it is. Just, think and proceed…

Bring the Nasty Back and Pack it In Harder



Open to page 69. Let’s analyze Ghost Wizard’s work. Ponder the themes and consider your approach.

“Jenny’s fingers feel better in my mouth. With paranoia, I place my cock on the board. “This will only take a second,” she says raising the razor-sharp butcher knife in the air. Like a vigorously-shaken can of Fanta, I burst like Mt. Vesuvius. I look down and a butchered hunk of sausage lays, “haaalp!” I fall on my knees, in a world where demons hunt me, I feel the claws of Satan. That’s when fingernails do the talking.


Good. Did you enjoy…

Photo by Charles on Unsplash

1. The Moon is Not Going to Stop

2. Mooning that Delicious Butt

3. The Mastery of an Imperfect Race

4. Smoking Dank from Outer Space

5. The Return to the Womb

6. A Leaf on your Tomb

7. Treat Depression with Depression

8. An Erotic Obsession

9. A Ticket to Heaven

10. Hypothetically speaking: How Much are You Seeking?

11. How Much Do You Want to Smash My Ass Right Now?

12. Wear Underpants on Thanksgiving

13. I’ll Stimulate Your Sweet Potatoes with Telepathy

14. Your Honey is my Holy Trinity

15. The Lost Soul of Myself

16. Marry…

don’t panic, just do your writing


Alexa: “Play Schubert”

Life is precious, and by my eye, disingenuous. Nature kills. Power reigns and rules over weakness. You have to carry on and continue living. You’ve got to keep writing.

A Few Hairs Short

Are you one of the many who suffers from anxiety due to baldness? Unsure of what to do, where to heal, or who to turn to? Here’s the truth about losing hair; avoid Lake Michigan in November. Wind is your foe.

Always bring a hat, and wear it everywhere. The rare chance you’re informed to remove it by an authority, do this. Whisper, “yo, I’m a few short,” — the code for “I’m bald Officer,” which nets you no excuse to not follow the order.

Yeah right! If you are told to take it off you…

Ghost Wizard

Boom Boom — shake it like you mean it.

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